In love, my intuition said leave; my fear said stay. Here’s how I made the impossible choice.
Have you ever known that you needed to leave—but felt unable to do it? Suspected that something wasn’t right—but just couldn’t let go?
The unthinkable thought—“I don’t want this anymore,” “This isn’t right for me,” “I have to leave,” “I can’t keep doing this”—is the moment that precipitates many major life transitions.
In this article, I’ll share my own journey arriving at the unthinkable thought in my romantic relationship. We’ll explore why it can take so long to confront the unthinkable—how our bodies often sense it before our minds—and how protracted, messy endings can actually reflect profound inner wisdom. Finally, we’ll examine how to cultivate the inner resourcefulness we need to follow our intuition—even when it whispers the unthinkable—so we can leap into the life that’s calling us.
Research says these 4 things give life meaning—and life transitions rearrange which ones are most important to you.
Research shows that real, lasting meaning comes from only four places—and during times of transition, we tend to shift which of the four matters most to us. Transitions can be portals that, if followed with curiosity, lead to a new, fresh sense of meaning—one that accounts for the ways we’ve been shaped by the events of our lives, and beautifully suits the person we’re becoming.
The person setting boundaries can be heartbroken, too.
In mental health discourse, we frequently discuss boundary-setting guilt: the fact that sometimes, setting boundaries hurts the people that we love. But we rarely acknowledge the fact that the person setting boundaries is often heartbroken, too.
By heartbroken, I don’t mean “feeling guilty” or “experiencing sympathetic pain for others’ pain.” I mean personally heartbroken: mourning the ease, intimacy, familiarity, love, or idealized future the relationship offered before the boundary was set.
Being able to acknowledge, and tend to, our heartbreak separate from our guilt is crucial to our healing—and in this article, I’ll explain how.
5 Bizarre (But Common) Phases in People-Pleasing Recovery
Have your healthy boundaries turned into rigid walls? Are you more annoyed with others than ever before? Do you want to withdraw from your social life? You might be experiencing one of these 5 common but little-known phases of people-pleasing recovery.
Outgrowing What’s No Longer For You: 3 Steps for Brave Transitions in Relationships, Work, and Life
If you’re going through a transition right now—outgrowing a relationship, career, friend group, or way of life—and you’re experiencing a lot of self-doubt, self-criticism, or shame—this article breaks down the process that has helped me make sense of, and proceed bravely through, some of the hardest transitions I’ve ever faced.
You’ll learn how to get clarity on where your transition is coming from; build courage to move forward in a way that aligns with your values; and find conviction to stay strong, even when your path is different from the path your family, community, or culture wants for you.
Get my book, STOP People Pleasing and Find Your Power
A step-by-step guide to speaking up, setting empowered boundaries, and becoming your own best advocate.