Research says these 4 things give life meaning—and we’re missing them.
No matter how well-liked we are, how successful we are, or how great our lives looks on paper, many of us feel like we’re disconnected from a deeper sense of meaning.
That’s because research shows that real, lasting meaning comes from only four places—and in today’s world, most of us are missing them.
Like many people raised in individualistic cultures, I was taught to look for meaning in striving and success. But the better my life looked from the outside, the more I felt burnt out, disconnected, and meaning-starved on the inside. (Perhaps you can relate? Drop a comment and let me know!)
Particularly now—as global politics unravel, religion steadily declines, and technology reshapes human connection—the question of what makes life meaningful feels more urgent than ever.¹
If we don’t intentionally define the answer for ourselves, we’re more likely to get swept along by cultural defaults—like striving, wealth, and conventional family life—without checking them against our hearts.
In this article, we’ll unpack the four places humans consistently find a sense of deep, lasting meaning—and give you 15 journaling prompts to intentionally connect with them.
You’ll learn how modern individualism is designed to pull us away from real fulfillment—discover how uncomfortable periods of burnout, loss, and transition can be unexpected portals to what really matters—and get concrete suggestions for how you can root down in new ways of living that actually fulfill you.
The Four Pillars of Meaning
In The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness, Emily Esfahani Smith distills research from psychologists, sociologists, and neuroscientists into the Four Pillars of Meaning: the four places from which humans across cultures get the deepest sense of fulfillment.
Smith explains that the Four Pillars of Meaning are:
Belonging: You’re in relationships with others that are based on both mutual care and frequent positive interactions.
Purpose: You have a stable, far-reaching goal that involves making some sort of contribution to others or the world.
Transcendence: You have moments of awe where you experience a higher reality: where your sense of self drifts away, and you feel connected to all that exists.
Storytelling: You have an inner narrative of who you are and how you got that way that helps you make sense of yourself and the world. ²
(The Power of Meaning is an incredible book—a must-read for those becoming disenchanted with conventional success—and it’s the first book we read in The Hustle to Heart Bookclub. Our next cohort opens for enrollment soon; you can learn more and join the waitlist here.)
According to Smith, of the four, belonging consistently ranks highest in importance. However, the absence of any one of these pillars can leave a person feeling hollow.
Historically, religions were the original meaning meccas. They offered all four pillars: awe, community, clear directives for how to live and contribute, and a cohesive narrative of how the world worked and why.
But in an increasingly secular society, most of us are fending for ourselves, attempting to cobble together these four components on our own. And unfortunately, modern Western culture is organized in a way that makes real meaning more difficult to access than ever.
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Individualism & Striving Cut Us Off From Meaning
Social psychologist Roy Baumeister writes that ultimately, the four pillars of meaning are characterized by “connecting, and contributing, to something beyond the self”: a community, a calling, an awe-inspiring mystery, and a story.³
Meanwhile, Western culture is highly individualistic; it’s structured almost exclusively around the self. From a young age, we’re socialized to pursue freedom and autonomy; make lots of money; prioritize our careers; build lives that inspire envy on paper; and look as good as we possibly can in the process.
Ultimately, living individualistically means living in opposition to the Four Pillars of Meaning. Let me paint you a picture:
Exhausted after navigating 12-hour workdays, mile-long to-do lists, and the demands of insular nuclear family life, many of us rarely have the bandwidth—much less the desire—to contribute to our communities or meaningfully cultivate our other relationships. (Bye, belonging.)
In our fast-paced world, it’s rare to have the space for stillness, meditation, ventures into nature, or other awe-inspiring experiences. When we do manage to make the time, our nervous systems are so revved up that our bodies and minds can’t relax. (Bye, transcendence.)
With each passing day, capitalistic pressures to strive and accumulate feel evermore garish against the backdrop of our crumbling world: ecosystems collapsing, political systems unraveling, genocides unfolding in plain sight. In 2023, over half of Gen Z said they experienced “little to no purpose or meaning” in their lies the previous month. We’re struggling to make sense of the world and our place in it. (Bye, storytelling.)
Of the Four Pillars, you might imagine that the one individualism gets right is purpose. But in reality, most of our conversations about “finding your purpose” fall short of what true purpose requires: feeling connected to the positive impact you’re making on others or the world. Even when stationed in careers that do make a positive impact, many of us are so focused on career-driven markers of success—like money, promotions, prestige, or follower count—that we lose sight of, or connection with, our greater contribution. (Bye, purpose.)
These ways of being are so ingrained—so culturally pervasive—that usually, it takes a major upheaval to snap us out of them. And that’s where the power of transition comes in.
What do you think? Agree? Disagree?
Drop a comment at the end of the article
with your thoughts.
Burnout, Tragedy, and Periods of Transition Can Be (Uncomfortable) Portals to Deeper Meaning
Given how individualism runs counter to the Four Pillars of Meaning, it’s no wonder that we grow disenchanted lives built around achievement.
In retrospect, I can see how striving pulled me away from my people (anti-belonging), trained my attention on personal wins instead of making a difference (anti-purpose), and left me too busy for awe or wonder (anti-transcendence). And I’ve heard the same from hundreds of other folks transitioning from hustle to heart.
But even once we’re certain that that old source of meaning no longer fits, letting it go can be slow work—and feeling into a new North Star can take even longer.
Success had been my through-line for decades: it shaped my identity, my direction, and my sense of worth. Releasing it meant weathering long stretches of disorientation, identity crisis, and the uneasiness of not knowing who I was becoming.
Transition researcher Bruce Feiler calls this a meaning vacuum: when, in the midst of a transition, “the previous balance of tendencies that gave us meaning are wiped clean.”⁴ Others who have outgrown conventional success described the experience like this:
“I was utterly lost. Navigating this new terrain baffled me. The map that once guided my career had become obsolete and I was clueless about how to draw a new one…. Despite all this, something deep within me insisted I needed to stop.” — Steve Schlafman, “The Journey Throught Lostness”
“I had never known myself without a next thing, without a job or a way to prove my worth through objective contribution. And there I was with no plan, no next step, no comeback or anything like that, and I couldn’t force myself to even conjure the idea of conjuring the next thing… What I had was a total loss of the plot of my life.” — Holly Whitaker, “The Fundamental Ambiguity of Being Human”
Feiler calls this period of lostness “the messy middle.” William Bridges, author of Transitions, calls it “the neutral zone.” And Finding Your Own North Star author, Martha Beck, endearingly calls it “bug soup”—referencing the caterpillar who cocoons and turns to goo before emerging as a butterfly.
Regardless of your preferred terminology, it’s reassuring to recognize that transitions are a known quantity with predictable phases—including this pivotal middle phase of existential lostness. If we intentionally walk these wilds attuned to the Four Pillars of Meaning, a new and more fulfilling direction will inevitably rise from that rubble.
As for me, over the course of 18 months, I eventually found my way to connection and community as my new North Star. Through trial, error, and experimentation, my life grew rich as I tended to friendships and family, showed up for my communities, and joined volunteer efforts that wove me into the broader human story. Connection was a seamless portal to belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling.
Eventually, the resentment that I’d felt toward the hollow promises of striving gave way to gratitude. Gratitude for the pain, burnout, and loss that woke me up and helped me see more clearly; gratitude for the courage to begin piecing together a different, more meaningful path.
Transitions can be portals that, if followed with curiosity and intention, can lead us to a more profound sense of meaning than we’ve ever known—one intentionally chosen, not unthinkingly inherited from our culture.
15 Journaling Prompts to Help You Root Down In Meaning
Here are a few questions to help you explore your relationship to the Four Pillars of Meaning. You can find more in my free guide, 4 Steps from Hustle to Heart.
While these questions make a great fit for a journaling session or a chat with your coach or therapist, consider also exploring them in community, with a group of friends or loved ones.
👉 To explore these questions in a supportive community setting, join the waitlist for the Hustle to Heart Bookclub, where we discuss The Power of Meaning at our first meeting.
3 Questions for Meaning
Imagine it’s the distant future and you’re on your deathbed, looking back at your life. What would your life need to have included in order for you to sigh happily and believe that you’d lived as meaningfully as you could?
Think of three powerful moments when you felt a deep sense of meaning and fulfillment. What was happening in those moments? In retrospect, which of the Four Pillars of Meaning were being honored?
During which moments in your daily life do you feel most disconnected from meaning? Or, said another way: which habit or activity in your life poses the greatest detractor or distraction from meaning? (Think: excessive phone use; working 12-hour days; hangovers from substance use). Consider one way you might reduce this obstacle for a greater felt sense of meaning in your daily life.
3 Questions for Belonging
Belonging: You’re in relationships with others that are based on both mutual care and frequent positive interactions.
What was the time in your life that you felt the greatest sense of belonging? Reflect on the external conditions and internal decisions that made that sense of belonging possible.
Right now, do you have any relationships or communities that could be fertile for greater belonging—if you made an intentional investment of time and energy?
Sometimes, we’re so hungry for belonging that we’ll seek it in places that don’t contain the two necessary ingredients: (1) mutual care and (2) frequent positive interactions. Are there any relationships or communities where you’re settling for imbalance, lack of reciprocity, or a prevailing emotional tone of negativity?
3 Questions for Purpose
Purpose: You have a stable, far-reaching goal that involves making some sort of contribution to others or the world.
Imagine you lived in a society where money didn’t matter: everyone earned the same, and each person got to contribute by doing what they loved most. How would you choose to contribute in this society?
On a scale from 1-10—1 being least, and 10 being most—to what extent does your current job (and the way you currently do your current job) make a positive contribution to others or the world?
Capitalism tells us that purpose comes from work tied to monetary gain—but it’s entirely possible for your purpose to have nothing to do with your labor. Some people find purpose in building community outside of work; in parenthood; in spirituality; or in being a good friend. Imagine you were prohibited from finding purpose in your work. Where would you choose to find it instead?
3 Questions for Transcendence
Transcendence: You have moments of awe where you experience a higher reality: where your sense of self drifts away, and you feel connected to all that exists.
Reflect on your most recent experience of transcendence. Be sure to write about what you felt and how it affected you.
Imagine you were 100 years old—but this morning, you woke up in this body, at your current age, with a second chance to live your life. How would you spend your day? What moments would you savor?
Consider a few experiences you’ve had of transcendence. Where were you? What were you doing? Who were you with? Do you notice any patterns or through-lines?
3 Questions for Storytelling
Storytelling: You have an inner narrative of who you are and how you got that way that helps you make sense of yourself and the world.
If your life were a story, what would the overarching theme of the story be?
If you’re in the midst of a transition: What would you title the chapter that is ending? And what would you like the chapter that’s beginning to be titled?
Imagine your life was a story, and you were the hero. What is the biggest villain you’re coming up against right now? And what secret weapon do you have that will help you overcome the villain?
You’ve put in the hours, climbed the ladder, and worked hard for a life that looks great on paper.
But despite your success, life feels hollow. Like something important is missing.
I help disenchanted high achievers find meaning and purpose beyond conventional success.
In private coaching, we help you de-center work as your meaning and identity—create a new blueprint for living that trades hustle for heart—and step into a new chapter that is radically alive.
Learn more about and apply to work with me one-on-one here.
Other Articles In This Series:
👉 My Story: How I left a life that looked good on paper for a life that actually felt good.
Citations
¹ Routledge C, FioRito TA. Why Meaning in Life Matters for Societal Flourishing. Front Psychol. 2021 Jan 14;11:601899. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.601899. PMID: 33519608; PMCID: PMC7842113.
² Smith, Emily Esfahani. The power of meaning: Finding fulfillment in a world obsessed with happiness. New York: Broadway Books, 2017.
³Baumeister, R. F., Vohs, K. D., Aaker, J. L., & Garbinsky, E. N. (2013). Some key differences between a happy life and a meaningful life. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 8(6), 505–516. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2013.830764
⁴Feiler, Bruce. Life is in the transitions: Mastering change at any age. New York: Penguin Books, 2021.