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These 25 needs are not “unreasonable” or “too much.”
If we’ve spent our lives surrounded by neglectful, distant, or emotionally unavailable people, we may believe that basic needs for affection, fairness, intimacy, and support are unreasonable because those close to us have historically been unable to meet them.
The Big List of Reasonable Needs is a non-exhaustive list of needs that people-pleasers tend to discount as “too much” that are, in fact, completely reasonable needs to have in our relationships with others.
I people-pleased by giving consent for sex I didn’t want to have. (Newsweek)
Many recovering people-pleasers have a painful history of saying yes to sex when their bodies say no. It’s a common phenomenon: consensual sex, freely given—but unwanted. These experiences don't fit neatly into our culture's narrative of "perpetrator" and "victim,” but this doesn't make the subsequent trauma we may experience any less valid.
Pre-order my debut book,
Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power
A step-by-step guide to speaking up, setting empowered boundaries, and becoming your own best advocate.