My Story
I’ve outgrown many selves—some by choice, and some by force.
When a breakup made me confront a lifetime of codependency and people-pleasing, I began outgrowing the version of me who over-gave for love. Slowly, I learned the art of boundary-setting: of saying no, asserting my needs, and taking up space in my relationships.
When, after years of overwork, I burned out and faced an existential crisis, I began letting go of my lifelong belief that a meaningful existence was built on achievement. Slowly, I reshaped my relationship with work and divested from the hustle. I began choosing opportunities for connection and creativity over opportunities for success.
When I discovered that my partner had been living a double life for the entirety of our three-year relationship, my world went up in flames. Slowly, I began rewriting the story of us, of our love, of me—and a new self who trusted her intuition (and took no shit) was forged in the fire.
In hindsight, these are stories of growth—of becoming—but they didn’t feel like it then. The middle chapter always felt like a deconstruction. Like lostness.
Often, it felt as if my life had been divided into a Before and After—and I was disoriented and untethered, wandering around the In-Between.
Every time, I had to let go of versions of myself—stories of my life, my future, my relationships—that had been my home for years. Even when those old homes no longer fit, there was still grief and confusion in letting them go.
Every time, I had to release familiar habits, goals, and ways of relating to others that had kept me kept me feeling safe, worthy, “enough,” for years. Even when I knew I was bravely choosing healthier, more balanced ways of living, there was still fear in leaving behind my old coping mechanisms. One part of me looked hopefully to the future, while another part clung desperately to the past.
Every time, I had to make brave choices—choices about what I’d do next, what boundaries I’d set, where I’d move, how I’d work—based on a gut feeling, a faint hope, and an inner promise not to go back to the way things were before.
We can’t forge new selves on top of old ones. There is always a dance of unbecoming: grief and hope. Fear and resolve. Doubt and trust.
But when handled with intention and courage, these outgrowings—chosen or unchosen—are initiations into a new chapter of life that is more honest, vital, and self-trusting.
Every time, they presented me an opportunity to grow. To weave my newfound wisdom, hard-won lessons, and protective boundaries into the bones of who I was becoming. To be fiercely proud of that weathered, wizened self.
Every time, they gave me the chance to be the author of my own story. To design my life not around the values I inherited, but the values I chose. To prioritize my authentic path over approval, performance, and others’ expectations.
Certified by the International Coaching Federation and Erickson Coaching International, I’ve helped over 500 private clients outgrow who they’ve been and embrace who they’re becoming. My book, Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power (Simon and Schuster, 2024), has been translated into 20 languages, and my work has been featured in The New York Times, The Gottman Institute, and Vox.
If you’re outgrowing who you’ve been, I would love to walk beside you on the journey.
