Nobody Said It Was Easy: When Control, Boundaries, Grief, and Freedom Collide

In this talk, certified coach and educator Hailey Magee brings humor, inspiration, personal experience, and her trademark nuanced attitude to a discussion of how boundary-setting is, at its core, a surrender of control—and how this leads us to grief and freedom along the way.

This pre-recorded talk will includes 45 minutes of speaking and 45 minutes of Q&A.

When we set boundaries, we take responsibility for what we can control⁠—our own limits, boundaries, needs, and futures⁠—

and let go of what we can’t control⁠—other people’s actions, emotions, healing journeys, addictions, and more⁠.

This occasionally means surrendering things that are incredibly hard to let go of: our hopes for how a person would change⁠—our dream of a future with another person⁠—a chapter in a relationship with someone⁠—or a person themselves.

Fear of letting these things go keeps us stuck in an endless cycle of asking for the same things over and over, even when nothing changes. We begin to resent others and ourselves.

The process of setting boundaries and releasing our illusion of control is always a two-winged process of freedom and grief.

On one wing, we experience the immense relief of no longer trying to control something we can’t. We feel empowered knowing that our needs and boundaries are in our own hands.

On the other wing, we experience the immense grief of recognizing that what we desperately want from another person isn’t, and hasn’t been, happening ⁠— and, occasionally, the grief of letting a chapter of relationship, or an entire relationship, go.